"My New Favorite Word/Product: Ointment"

I am currently using a homeopathic ointment from a company named Boiron which attests that the ointment aids in the alleviation of muscle aches, stiffness, and bruises. Well, sign me up because I frequently have ALL three of those symptoms in concert with one another, especially after too many nights dancing like a monkey who everyone thinks is on a combination of speed, acid, and ecstasy. I don't think that I am anemic or anything, I've actually been tested for it and failed with flying colors, but boy do I ever bruise easily.

I am not talking small little bruises, I am talking about massive, "Oh, I just fell down the stairs" kind of bruises that serve as a constant reminder of how frequently I run into walls, people, animals, beer bottles, telephoto lenses, etc. My lovely display of dancing prowess happened to occur recently whilst I partook in three days of Lollapaloozaing in addition to staying out throwing it down on the dance floor until 4 and 5 am consecutively. I woke up on Sunday and the first thought that came into my mind was, "I need Advil and ointment, stat."

This past Saturday provided me with yet another opportunity for ointment phraseology usage. After doing it up at Lolla (see above) and creating our own afterparty (above again), my BFF and I decided to wake up, have breakfast, and then promenade on down to Walgreen's Drug Store for some provisions (do they even call them drug stores anymore?). While at Walgreen's, the two of us realized that we were still a little loopy from the evening before, and I then proceeded to point out some lube quite loudly in front of a stone cold sober individual. I then headed down to the first aid aisle to get, you guessed it, more ointment! Not the homeopathic stuff during this instance, but instead some generic neosporin because earlier in the week I was riding my bike like a madman which in turn caused the creation of some gnarly wounds (another great word and great phrase, "I will wound you.") on both of my thumbs.

I was in the first aid aisle and lube overhearer guy was there with his lady friend. She seemed confused about whether or not she was in the right aisle. He said, "It's the right aisle, it says ointment." Genius, you said the secret word! Pee Wee is going to start going ballistic and Chairry is going to start "dancing" around and singing. I began to laugh out loud and then said, "Ointment" and chuckled some more. The oh so lucid couple looked at me with eyes that said, "You are crazy, please shut up and go away. You are ruining our preparation for a nice morning run together." I see these eyes glaring at me and all I can think of is, "I need more ointment, can you please help me to get some more?"