I clearly suck

Ms. Gong will be the first one to agree with me. With going to London, coming home, not realizing how I got into a Jeepers Creepers Ford Bronco, going to a Chinese New Years party and sleeping in a nine year old's bed, and finally contracting whooping cough or something equally as sinister for the past week, I have been completly lax and brain dead, thus unable to keep you up to date on my going ons. Please forgive me, I know not what I do. Actually, I do, and that's the bad part.

So, for today I leave you with some highlights from London:

1) Our hotel wouldn't let us check in because they claimed to have never worked with United Airlines. I just think our fine hostess Vladimira was a wee bit confused.

2) Wandering around the first night there and finding the Lloyd's Building. Initially, we thought it was a building under construction, but were intrigued by it being all lit up quite strategically. I later came to the conclusion that that thing is straight out of Blade Runner.

3) I learned a new pickup line. Instead of saying, "Well, hello, what's your name?" You instead pick a feature of the person and highlight it like so: To a hunky man wearing an ipod, "Well, hello, ipod much." To a hottie with the unfortunate fate of having a girlfriend, "Well, hello, get rid of your girlfriend much?" Not that I actually used any of these lines to people's faces, it was more like I said them as they were walking by.

4) It is very easy to fall into a British accent. Mine is a very bratty one much like Veruca Salt's from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I kept messing with my brother when he would accidently speak with a accent and say, "Excuse me, I can't understand you?" There was also a point in during the trip where we were walking around Kensington and I was remarking on all the beautiful abodes and I cracked my brother up by saying in my Veruca tone, "I want to live EVERYWHERE!!"

5) Cobra Beer kicked me right on my ass. Okay, so maybe I shouldn't of had this many.








6) Never trust Time Out London to offer you the most up to date information. My brother found a listing for a store called Trainer'd in the Stable Markets on Chalk Farm Road, Stall number 539, that seemed right up my alley for I was jonesing for a sweet pair of Nikes. Not only did the stalls not have numbers on them that were prominently displayed, after walking up and down Camden we finally found stalls in the 500 range. We found 539, but all that were inside were track suits. I wasn't in the mood to join the highly publicized Spice Girls reunion tour and when my brother asked the shop's salesperson if Trainer'd was indeed at the stall, he told us it closed in November.

7) After walking what seemed like the entire city in two days all I wanted to do was amputate my feet. I also wanted to exterminate them, but for some reason that didn't make a ton of sense.

8) Meeting Meaning of Loaf and his coworkers was a joy. What was not a joy was mixing Magner's Cider and hefty amounts of Carlsberg lager. I took lots of pictures after the debaucle, didn't remember we took a cab home, and apparently LOVE taking pictures of myself in motion shots while falling down on the bed.

9) It is okay to steal a teenager's bag if you give him ample time to pick it up from the bus station.

10) My brother wants to decorate his whole home like the London Dungeon. Not to my tastes, really, but if that Sweeney Todd townsguy/actor can be tricked to hop a plane over to the States believing it's his second home due to my brother's keen designing style, I'm all for it. I promise to pick up as many moldy stones, chains, and bats as necessary.