Not standing tongue tied in the corner . . .

My ten-year high school reunion is three weeks away. While it is not considered an official reunion, it’s actually at a local bar (a really heinous one) and has been organized by four of the popular girls in high school (funny how my friends and I still think of them in those terms, but c’mon they are still referring to themselves as the Beautiful Girls), I’ve decided to go through some intense preparations for the special event. I like to call it my survival conditioning.

1) Participate in a yearbook reading party with my BFFs where we look through our yearbooks and the comments. I can already check this one of my list, phew! It was a surreal experience reading over the comments I wrote in my BFFs yearbooks and the ones they wrote in mine. Although it’s been ten years, we are pretty much the same people with the same sense of humor. Well, except for my junior year. All I have to say is who writes a morose poem in their BFF’s yearbook? I must have been listening to too much of The Smiths at the time.

2) Learn the Little Superstar dance. I’ve started to utilize some of his moves on the dance floor already, but don’t have the whole routine down. One night a group of friends and I decided that we were going to do the entire routine at the reunion.

One friend claimed the Charleston part of the routine, to do only that part is simply not allowable. Either you are in for the entire routine or you will have to sit on the sidelines and spectate.







3) Craft an elegant story about my illustrious career as a “Cats” the musical backup dancer. See that’s me, bottom row, right.


4) Throw a reunion night pre-party where we will get blitzed. Nothing like proving to your high school nemesis that you’ve moved up in the world than showing up drunk to your reunion!

5) Practice my meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meows and claw dance (see #3).

6) Build up my puking stamina (maybe #4 will help?).



7) Convert the cassette copy of my last high school radio show to CD for mass distribution. Okay, maybe not mass distribution, but I may know five people that will humor me with a request for it.

8) Find more childhood and adolescence pictures of my BFFs to display on our refrigerator for all in attendance at our pre-party to see.

9) Survive Halloween.


10) Make more business cards from VIP’s Gentleman’s Club. While walking to the train from Lollapalooza this summer I found one of their discount cards on the sidewalk. When people at the reunion ask what I do for a living I will tell them, “As a matter of fact I just got a new job!” I will then whip out the VIP’s card and tell them not go on amateur night because they will not see me there.