Oh What A Night *

The anticipation has ended! My reunion summary has arrived! So, here goes. As many of you know my ten-year reunion was a week and a half ago. In recent prior posts I have gone into elaborate detail regarding the preparations involved on my part and others to ensure that the reunion was a balls out event. Some of these preparations occurred: pre-party, upped puking stamina, VIP gentleman’s card presentation. Others did not: Little Superstar routine, 8x10 photos of classmates, getting addicted to catnip. I am a little disappointed in myself.

Now, I knew that there was going to be people there that gained some weight, some hefty homies and home girls, but I can say that nearly 70% of the guys in attendance had put on the lbs. Most of the ladies looked decent, some pretty hot if I do say so myself, and the ones that had put on weight actually had babies recently so they had a reasonable excuse.

While looking at the pictures that were taken during the reunion my BFFs made an interesting observation-they thought one of the guys in attendance had a face transplant. Not the botox here/collagen there type of transplant, more like a getting smacked in the face multiple times with super absorbent chewing tobacco that in turn created some crevices/cancer in the facial area that shouldn’t be there when you are at your ten year.

Enough about appearances, let’s proceed to a section I will entitle, “What Happens When People Don’t See Each Other for Ten Years and go to an All You Can Drink” with the following sub-headings “I never talked to you in high school, but I will take this opportunity to show you what a complete asshole I am now!” or “Liquor makes me/him/her/us complete morons.”

Multiple people asked me where my red hair was. Seriously folks, I had fire engine red hair for about three months my junior year of high school, is that ALL you remember about me? What about my brains, charm, fantastic taste in music, and magnetic personality? All right then, what about my boobs?

After I told an old friend of mine that I was living with my BFF in Chicago I was asked by the same friend if I was married. Yes, I am married but have decided to not live with my husband because that would just be too awkward.

I will always dance like a complete moron even when there is not a dance floor and there is no one else dancing. There are pictures of this, mostly of me flailing my arms in the background. Why does it always look like I am doing the mashed potato? I need to get better paparazzi.

I ran into my first boyfriend who really still looks like he did in 6th grade. He was wearing an old school Chicago Bears scarf (awesome, but I do not regret breaking up with him, although I would consider dating him again if I gained possession of the scarf). My BFF asked him if he was Harry Potter. He didn’t seem too pleased with the comment. I, on the other hand, guffawed.

I mistook a room that was “fashioned” to look like the outdoors (Why? Don’t ask me.) to be an actual patio. I was recalling the evening the next day with a friend of mine who was also in attendance and told her that the patio was pretty sweet. She was disappointed that she didn’t hang out in the patio, but a few seconds later said, “You mean the room with the fake fountains that we checked our coats?” I could have been in Europe for all I knew.

During the reunion and after-parties it was painfully obvious that a multitude of dudes were trying really hard to make some time with whatever lady crossed their path. Most of the ladies were ones that they never spoke more than two sentences to during all of high school. In an effort to impress those of the female persuasion the guys even had the nerve to say to that they didn’t believe that they went to high school with them. Yes, fella that certainly is the best way to her heart or into her pants.

With all this being said, I am eagerly awaiting my 10.5-year reunion.

*This was seriously my prom theme. What am I 72?