Lessons learned from Indiana: Part II

I had a pretty hellatious few weeks at work, including a 20 hour Saturday, and decided to get out of the city and you know, do some outdoorsy shit. A friend of mine has a cottage in Michigan City, Indiana about a mile away from Lake Michigan and an hour away from Chicago. Since there is usually an open invitation to stay there, I thought that it would be a great way to just chill out, light some fires, and work on my Wicca séances.

A few things I learned on my weekend away:

• Detour signs are not a priority in rural areas. The main road off the highway that connects with the farm the cottage was closed and the detour signs seemingly appeared and disappeared. At one point, we took a road that was supposed to take us to the farm, but instead went under a serial killer one-lane viaduct underpass. We kept wandering around aimlessly with the hope that some magical mapping pattern would appear before our eyes. After about an hour we found the place.

• The lure of the outlet mall is ever-present, but overall outlet malls suck especially the stores that are there that aren’t even outlets! What’s the point? I say outlet mall trickery! On the first day, we went to the outlet mall and I bought a pair of dope kicks. There really was no need to go there on the second day, but we needed coffee and the coffeehouse just happened to be right across the street from the outlet mall. Nothing was purchased on the second day, but I think we just went to make sure we weren’t missing out on any deals.

• I really want to go to more bars in bowling alleys. We didn’t get a chance to go to Backdrafts in the local bowling alley, but all I know is if we did, the people watching and beer selection would have been awesome! I would have totally have had a Michelob and not that Ultra BS.

• Playing Mad Libs is incredible, especially when you choose nouns such as balls, boobs, and vaginas. One sentence read, “Not sure where to find the remote? Look in the couch between the balls and next to the vaginas.” Pure sophistication.

• There is something about being on a farm that makes you super, almost creepily children of the corn friendly. I found myself grinning like an idiot and waving to strangers just because we were all in the community together. It was strange, but nice, and not something I normally do day-to-day for fear of an ensuing conversation.

• Dark woods freak me out. After returning from dinner, an animal was roaming around the wooded entry of the cabin. My first thought was rabid coyote, run! However, it ended up being a really sad dog from a nearby cottage. I was still scared of it because who knows whether or not it was sad because it was bitten by a werewolf or vampire.

• There are too many private beach areas on Indiana’s Lake Michigan coast and too many signs telling you that they are such, therefore I want to break into one of the summer homes and throw a party. We talked about how no one is there in the fall and that the homes that are being renovated probably have their alarm systems disabled. Now the question remains, how can I discreetly get the sound system, intellibeams, and DJ Major Taylor to the location?
  And from the looks of this picture I'm also going to have robots at the party, so as Tina Turner says, "You better be good to me" if you want an invite.