Wednesday, February 06, 2008

Resurgence: Part I of a Series: Beauty Products

The following products need to make a rebound for the hope of a happier, healthier, hotter humankind, namely me:

1) Wind Song “Perfume” circa 1982 circa NOW no joke

It all started with a that memorable jingle (well at least for me):

“I can’t seem to forget you, your Wind Song stays on my mind.”

Leave it to a Prince to provide all the sex appeal any woman would need. It’s described as a feminine scent that possesses a blend of florals with fruity, green middle notes finishing with hints of musk and amber. It is recommended for eveningwear. Uh, I don’t need the description or even need to smell it to know that it its flavorful bouquet will bring hotness to another level. Just looking at the bottle you know that any lady that wears Wind Song is getting mad action right when she leaves the house. I mean, those two weird birds on the center of the packaging are about to get it on just from being on the packaging!

The scratch and sniff sticker further supports its extraordinary claims.

2) Aqua Net Hair Spray

Whenever I want to get back into my heyday when I took my softball picture with bangs in the shape of a wave, I think, man do I need some Aqua Net, if only to have it on my bathroom counter to show people I have real street cred. Much like fried blonde haired out on parole chain smoking raspy voiced 45-year-old co-worker Connie that I worked at Bertucci’s restaurant in the early aughties. One day I was at the register and happened upon a gigantic aerosol bottle of purple Aqua Net, I asked another co-worker if it was something that we used to clean the register screens (I thought that made complete sense), they said, no it was Connie’s. She used Aqua Net in between shifts and to blind unruly customers. I believe I would opt for real A’ Net for beautification and this wonderful safe for preventing buglarization of my crown jewels.

3) Dep Gel also known as Dep Mega Gel circa 1992

If it’s good enough for the best selling Barbie of all time Totally Hair Barbie, well then, it’s good enough for me. Just look how beautiful her long luxurious hair is with just a little of that magic goo.

My main question is, who is Barbie’s new girlfriend? She has great hair.