You Made Me Realise

The My Bloody Valentine show was this past Saturday in Chicago at the Aragon Ballroom. It was a phenomenal sensory overload. After some pre-show do-goodery, as in attending an all you can drink fundraiser with my main squeeze where we consumed ten vodka drinks in less than an hour (hey it was for underprivileged South East Asian children), we headed over to the Aragon. The venue, while beautiful in kind of a gaudy oldey timey way, has often let me down in terms of its acoustics and general sound quality. I guess that MBV has some top notch sound engineers (and probably because guitarist Kevin Shields is an uber perfectionist) because from note one the sound was incredible, and not just because it was loud, which it indeed was. The security handed out earplugs compliments of the band, but I resisted their use until the very end. I wanted my ears to experience and unfiltered version of the band that has been with me through my awkward years (which some can say are still going on). They deserved that respect from me.

Is it wrong that I cried when they played "When You Sleep"? Because I did and it was only the second song (my shoegazer cred upped a notch). I rocked out like a crazy hyena during the whole show. Gracing those around me with my fist pumps, diamonds in the sky, shimmying, and incredibly loud clapping (perfected through intense pee wee football cheerleading). We were pretty far back from the stage which was fine with me because a) I didn't have to wear earplugs b) I could see the whole light show and visuals and c)It gave me room for aforementioned shimmying. A guy standing by us said he was impressed that I was so into the show and all I could think was ummm, duh everyone should be so into it, they haven't played for 16 years people! But, that reaction wasn't the case and I would have to say the lowlight of the show was that people were just standing there and didn't seem too enthused. People even left early. EARLY and during an almost 20 minute long rendition of "You Made Me Realise":



Granted, it was feedback heavy, but it was brilliant and noisy and beautiful. I was short of breath after the show and my heart was full.

The THIRTY for my DIRTY THIRTY

Hey homeboys & homegirls. Party people in the place to be. In keeping with my on-going blog & life lameness as j.gong so enjoys to remind about, I'm giving you my first post in over 2 months! But, dearests, this post will not disappoint for a) It's in easily digestible list form and b) It will give you prime material to make fun of Classy until the next post.

The THIRTY for my DIRTY THIRTY (much thanks to Chicago White Sox player/mascot/goatee bleacher/captain morgan posing Nick Swisher for the phraseology) aka Classy Plans on Packing in Enough Birthday Activity to Blow Your Mind

The following are what I intend to do in honor of my 30th birthday. Not on the actual day, mind you, I'm not that insano, but rather within the 30 days following the momentous day of my birth, today. Here are the first five of the thirty.


1)High Speed Indoor Go Karts
I will organize a group outing a take a trip to Addison, IL for some high octane, full throttle, in your face, XTREME racing. I am a huge fan of auto racing, not that this is anything near the real thing, but I at least hope to have a side car and travel at 3mph with an elderly Asian companion at my side.

2) Cedar Point
In keeping with the race/thrill enthusiast theme, I want to go to Cedar Point if only to ride the Top Thrill Dragster again. I've been there twice so far and I must admit that this park is balls out the best there is in.the.world. Yes, the world, even though I only have the lame ass Six Flags Great America and the almost as lame Kings Island to compare it to.


3)Roy Ayers
See that's me in the crowd JAMMING! Roy Ayers will be at the Country Club Hills Theater on August 23rd and I am going to go all crazy style and let my vibraphone hang out. I love love love going to shows where people are gettin' down and at Roy Ayers I know I am guaranteed to see and partake in some gettin' down with the clown.

4) Chicago White Sox vs. Boston Red Sox
I'm going to this Saturday night's game with some of my dearest family members, friends, and lovahs! I'm 6-0 this season when I'm there to watch, including last night's come from behind 14 inning game capped off by a three run homer by Nick Swisher that knocked in my husband Carlos Quentin and concubine Jermaine Dye. It's also beach night and my Dad plans on wearing a Speedo and stocking the car full of Old Styles for some pre-game callistetics. Lord help me.

5) Golden Corral Buffet
I love buffets in all shapes. They help me maintain my girlish figure. I love the circus that is Golden Corral because you are corralled once you enter and then people fight over the best pieces of meat! They also have Fanta. I plan on having three courses of only carbs and two course of desserts. This will be my first course, and maybe my second.

My Summer JAM!

MAGIC

Everyone should have a dedicated summer jam and mine folks is the recently released "Magic" by Robin Thicke. When I first heard the track I thought it was an old disco tune & this girl sure loves some disco. The strings and horns and soulful tendencies just have me and even though it's lyrically simplistic, I don't care. A summer jam isn't supposed to make me think, it's supposed to make me move and make me feel good. The music gives me chills and instills me with hope that modern R&B will take a step back to a heyday when live bands played (instead of drum machines), vocals weren't always sung through effects processors (except for that tube processor thing that George Clinton uses, that rules), and that people really felt the music, not just the image.

When You Sleep

I received notice today that My Bloody Valentine will be in Chicago on September 27th. I thought the day would never come! There had been talks of a fourth album to follow-up their masterpiece Loveless, but we only received snippets of solo and non-MBV material as well as front man Kevin Shield's various collaborations. He contributed to the soundtrack for the movie "Lost in Translation", which for me was the only thing I liked about the movie, but I digress. The original MBV members will be in Chicago! Feedback be upon me!



I find nothing wrong with my plan to buy tickets to this show as well as the NKOTB show* when they go on sale this Saturday. It's like my 14 year old and 11 year old selves deciding that it's okay to wear big buttons with Joey McIntyre's picture while also brooding around in my Doc Martins.

* that purchase has already been made thanks to BFF's access to internet presale. We opted for mid-level tickets, close enough to be a part of the action, but far enough away to prevent any rushing of the stage by moi to molest Joey.

It's Time for My Second Career

I want to be a mascot. Any mascot will do. Some weird ambiguous mascot for a Japanese electronics company? Sure.



I'm the right size 5'2 1/2", so according to my BFF I can claim 5'3". Even though I claimed 5'4" for years on my license and at the behest of BFF, after we took out a tape measure and stood back to back, I had to change my license to 5'3". Most mascot costumes will fit me, so there will be no need to invest in the creation of a new one. All I would ask is that some concoction consisting of Febreze, Spermicidal lube, and Purell be slathered on the inside of the costume and that it be aired out afterwards for at least one week.

I have some cheerleading background, albeit, it was for the Pee Wee football team the Homer Stallions when I was five and six years old, but damnit I was chosen to do the demonstration cheer for the conference championship! I've been raring to go ever since we did a homecoming routine to "I Wanna Dance with Somebody" by Whitney Houston.

I am a fan and frequent participant of the dance off, which seems to be very popular in the mascotting industry. I have rhythm and when I dance I use all of my appendages. No leg only or just booty/tail shaking dancing from this mascot.



I can make friends with other mascots and we can choreograph phenomenal routines for the Mascot National Championship. My squad would incorporate more Roger Rabbit, Cabbage Patch, and Stripper Slap moves. The final move only being accomplished by the most skilled among us. Maybe we'll even throw in some wicked pyramid formations and show them all what's up.

Don't feel the need to watch mores than 15 seconds of this:



Wait a second, do I still have to be in college to compete? Don't they have a Championship for just your average Mascot? I'm starting to see my dream fade much like Ribbie and Rhubarb, the beloved although sometimes hated Chicago White Sox mascots from 1981-1988.

There's a Mascot Hall of Fame that is just high falutin' as the National Championship. Thank your lucky stars MHOF that you're only virtual right now because you'd have a bunch of pissed off mascots at your doors waving their out of proportion fists and non-screaming at you for being so elitist.

Even with all of these setbacks and the voices in my head telling me not to move forward, the other voices in my head and chanting for me to be A-W-E-S-O-M-E, awesome, awesome, totally (yes, this was a cheer that I did for Pee Wee football) and do it. I'm shooting for the Chicago 2016 Olympics. Cross your fingers that I'm chosen to be Giardiniera, the Italian Beef Shaped mascot.

Cosby Sweaters & Gettin Down

Last Friday on my way home from work I was invited to see the legendary Ms. Patti LaBelle perform at the Arie Crown Theater. I’d never seen Patti before and had never been to the Arie Crown, so I figured it was about time I do both.

In order to get there in time, I skipped dinner and decided to eat a box of cookies out of my trunk. They were cold and delicious and would provide me with enough sustenance to shake it while standing up in front of my chair.

After walking through the underground maze of a parking garage we finally made it to the Arie Crown marquis, which to my pleasant surprise also read Jeffrey Osborne. Seeing that he was performing made me feel as Cherry Ride would say, “Like a school boy, girl ohh.”

The Arie Crown Theater is in the massive and ever expanding McCormick Place. While they’ve continuously renovated the expo center, the theater itself seems to just be thrown in there. I wish the show would’ve been at the club that Jeffrey is performing at during the “Stay With Me Tonight” video, but the Arie Crown is close to being just 80s enough, just without that awesome neon.



So, Jeffrey, Jeffrey, Jeffrey. I felt like a middle-aged African American woman swooning over him, but that is indeed what I did. We missed half his set, but he packed in the hits while we were there including his hits Holding On (When Love is Gone) and (Every Time I Turn Around) Back in Love Again from his former 70-80s band L.T.D. (Love, Togetherness, Devotion). They must have really like parentheses back then, or just thought people were morons and would confuse the names of the songs all the time.

Here are some other observations of note:

· At one point during the intermission a little old lady dressed in baggy jeans and a County Seat sweatshirt starting dancing in the aisle putting everyone there to shame. Then she whipped out her seeing eye cane and headed to the restroom. The crowd cheered for her even more.

· I was amazed by the sheer number of Cosby sweaters that the male attendees sported. I had no idea that that were made with such quality craftsmanship and able to uphold their luster and brilliance a good 20 years plus after their inception. Oh yes, and some of these sweaters were partnered with Jheri curl dos. I don’t know how I didn’t get pregnant that night.

· Jeffrey Osborne was wearing a muscle tee and we could see his nips.

· Patti LaBelle has hot legs equivalent to those of Tina Turner.

· She started her set out with “New Attitude”.

· Patti told us that Celine Dion’s “If You Asked Me To” was actually her song, but that’s okay because Celine can sing her face off, but for us to not get it twisted.

· Patti kept about ten pairs of shoes on the grand piano eight of which just stayed on display.

· Crowd participation. Jeffrey went out into the audience to have people sing a song and Patti invited three people to come up on stage. People were cheering even the worst singer and giving standing ovations to those that could really blow. This is a key difference I noticed between this show and most of the rock shows I’ve been to, at rock shows there’s really not much of a focus on whether or not the crowd wants to be a part of the action. Then again, many of the bands I like have indecipherable lyrics, which proves difficult for a sing-a-along.

So, overall a great show, one of the best I’ve seen in awhile. I laughed, I yelled, I gyrated, and Patti cried. Who could ask for anything more?

Resurgence: Part I of a Series: Beauty Products

The following products need to make a rebound for the hope of a happier, healthier, hotter humankind, namely me:

1) Wind Song “Perfume” circa 1982 circa NOW no joke

It all started with a that memorable jingle (well at least for me):

“I can’t seem to forget you, your Wind Song stays on my mind.”

Leave it to a Prince to provide all the sex appeal any woman would need. It’s described as a feminine scent that possesses a blend of florals with fruity, green middle notes finishing with hints of musk and amber. It is recommended for eveningwear. Uh, I don’t need the description or even need to smell it to know that it its flavorful bouquet will bring hotness to another level. Just looking at the bottle you know that any lady that wears Wind Song is getting mad action right when she leaves the house. I mean, those two weird birds on the center of the packaging are about to get it on just from being on the packaging!

The scratch and sniff sticker further supports its extraordinary claims.


2) Aqua Net Hair Spray

Whenever I want to get back into my heyday when I took my softball picture with bangs in the shape of a wave, I think, man do I need some Aqua Net, if only to have it on my bathroom counter to show people I have real street cred. Much like fried blonde haired out on parole chain smoking raspy voiced 45-year-old co-worker Connie that I worked at Bertucci’s restaurant in the early aughties. One day I was at the register and happened upon a gigantic aerosol bottle of purple Aqua Net, I asked another co-worker if it was something that we used to clean the register screens (I thought that made complete sense), they said, no it was Connie’s. She used Aqua Net in between shifts and to blind unruly customers. I believe I would opt for real A’ Net for beautification and this wonderful safe for preventing buglarization of my crown jewels.

3) Dep Gel also known as Dep Mega Gel circa 1992

If it’s good enough for the best selling Barbie of all time Totally Hair Barbie, well then, it’s good enough for me. Just look how beautiful her long luxurious hair is with just a little of that magic goo.



My main question is, who is Barbie’s new girlfriend? She has great hair.